My decision

It was 1999, and I was fast approaching 30. I guess that is about the time I started struggling with my weight. I wasn't really considered overweight, but it was the first time I realized I wasn't as small as I used to be. Does that make sense? I had just spent two years working the 11pm to 7am shift at the local hospital in small town Arizona. I guess two years of sitting behind the nurses station all night, sleeping all day, then taking care of my family in the evenings; well it caught up with me....in pounds! WOW. In just two years I had gained 40 pounds. I still wasn't considered "obeses", but I wasn't real thrilled with my weight. But unfortunately I didn't take the right steps to control my weight then, and that 40 pounds just escalated to 40-50 more over the next several years. If only I had done something back then to shed the few pounds and then learned to maintain. Since 1999, I not only have gained weight, but I gave birth to our 4th child, which well lets say, that was the end of me...well until now.
Here I sit at 5'7" and I weigh 237 pounds. How the heck did I let this happen. I don't eat THAT bad, and I am not a couch potato. So why am I fat??? UGH! Since about 2005 I tried different diets. Um lets see if I can recall some of them; Atkins, Jenny Craig (stopped because it was too expensive), Weight Watchers, Cabbage Diet, The heart diet, and so on. You get the picture. DIETS really WON'T work. Yes they can get you to lose weight, but the minute you stop them, the weight will come back on and usually more than you started with. It is frustrating, and depressing. The highs and lows I have endured over the past 5 years have led me to this point. Only at one point did I actually lose weight and start feeling better. It was January 2008 and I had started the New Years off right. I had got my weight down to 179 pounds and I was feeling good. The only thing that could make me feel 100% better, was to stop smoking. Yep, you know where this is headed. I emotionally could not handle the stress of it all. I loved the feeling of being a non-smoker, so I focused more on that and less my body. Don't get me wrong, I was still working out, but my eating habits got worse. Just when I was about to balance it all, I got hurt. I BROKE MY TAILBONE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Really? Just when I got it all in balance, a major set back. So no exercise for me. I started stressing a little, after all it had only been a few weeks without smoking, and so many of my friends around me still smoked. I missed the awwwweee feeling of it, but I was determined not to give into the urge. I can do this....and I DID. I am a non-smoker now. WOOOHOOO for me! Well, almost anyway. Can't completely give myself a pat on the back. I made it thru the engery, I quit smoking, but by 6 months later I had gained all of my weight back. I am so sad. So I started thinking, maybe I should just accept my weight and be happy. I can look good as a bigger woman. After all there are some really famous, beautiful plus size women in this world. I can be one of them. So I am back at my original 2008 weight. Screw it, I am done obsessing about it. I will dress nice, wear my hair and make up. I can look good. Who was I kidding. It didn't matter how good I made myself on the outside, I felt like total CRAP on the inside. My marriage was sucking, not to mention my sex life. GOD FORBID I let him see me naked now! I didn't want to go "out". I always felt like the fat friend. UGH, make this go away.
Its June 2009 and we are moving...again. I am a Navy wife, so moving every 2 to 3 years has always been my life. I was determined once we got moved and settled it was going to be a new life for me. I was moving back to Texas (where we wanted to be), so I wanted a fresh start. I was going to get settled in our new home, get the kids started in school, and I was going to get busy with my weight loss again. But surprise surprise, a road block. I ended up the in the ER. Thought I was having a heart attack. The admitted me to the cardiac unit. I was so scared. Was my heart in trouble because of my weight??? Thats what I was thinking. But then I kept saying, "I am not one of those huge women". I always had an answer to justify my weight. ANYWAY, after a couple of days in the hospital and TONS of testing, I was diagnosed with "Graves disease". Just another bump in the road. I was not able to even walk upstairs because my heart rate would just go crazy. I was on medicine to slow down my heart rate, but it was a very lengthy road to recovery. I was basically given the order to be lazy. It was inevitable that I was going to gain even more weight now. After all, I wasn't really allowed to be active, I was taking medicine to slow my heart rate (which = slower metabloism). Great, just what I needed. So I decided to go back on weight watchers just to help keep me from gaining too much more weight. I did okay I guess considering the circumstances. I gained about 17 or 18 more pounds. It took about 4 months for the treatment (Iodine Radiation) to destroy my thyroid, but it worked, and now I am on medication (Synthroid) for the rest of my life. Yea me!! So that brings me to current day. After talking with Dr Koteles, he put in a referral for me to see the Bariatric Clinic here on base. Had I gotten to the point that I was considered OBESE??? Oh yes I was. OH MY GOD!!! It has happened. I AM the fat women. I am so saddened with myself. But you know what I decided. God, and Dr Koteles of course, have given me this chance to regain my life. I was going to take it with every ounce of my being, and I am going to take control. I have to! On a positive note, I don't have high cholesterol or diabetes. That goes to show I actually eat pretty healthy. So read on for my journey of the step by step process of my Bariatric experience.