Are you kidding me.

Its Saturday, April 10th. I go to the mailbox to see a letter from my sleep study. I was excited, because that meant the Bariatric clinic got their copy and thats one more thing I can cross off my list.............NNNNOOOOOTTTTT. My results say I have sleep apnea! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???? What does this mean? Well it means I have to go back for another sleep study wearing a CPAP (mask that pushes out air while you sleep). It also means its pushes my surgery farther away. I have to wear this darn thing for 30 days before they will do my surgery. I am SHOCKED. I really don't think I have sleep apnea. Is it a way for the clinic (sleep study clinic) to make more money? It says I have mild sleep apnea, and that the test wasn't conclusive because it happened early in the morning and not enough time to complete the test. BULL CRAP! I really dont believe it. I think its just a way to profit from my military insurance. THIS is why all the testing should be done at the military hospital. I seriously believe it.
So this is a set back for my dedication to getting everything done in the two weeks that I had planned. UGH! I am really disappointed. And I will be even more so if I can't get another appointment soon. I really am saddened by this. Just when you think its all working out the way you want it to.
My Psych appointment is Monday afternoon. I am not worried about it. The only thing that bothers me is the 45 minute drive to the other side of San Antonio that I have to make. Good Lord I wish all my testing could be done at one hospital. But there again, nothing worth having comes easy. I just keep telling myself not to get frustrated, now when will I start listening?

Getting started.

I got on the ball right away. From the time I got home I started making phone calls. I was going to get all my appointments scheduled as quick as possible. I left there on Thursday afternoon, and I had my first test scheduled for Monday, (told you I was gonna get this done). The beginning for me was the sleep study. I figured, no big deal. I gotta go sleep somewhere and let them watch me sleep. I can do this one easily. I wasnt worried, I don't have sleep apnea, I don't even snore. OH MY GAWD. How the hell do they expect anyone to sleep with 20 pounds of wire hanging off our bodies???? REALLY PEOPLE! That was a nightmare...no pun intended. I barely slept, and I felt like a freak! I am new to this blog stuff, but I will see if there is a place to post a pic....but no laughing allowed.
I have to wait several days, but I am not worried about it much.
So, sleep study is over. The next thing I have is the mandatory weight loss meeting. I was so dreading this. The last thing I want to do is sit and listen to people talk. I would rather be stuck with needles than sit and listen to a lecture.
Wednesday night: Time to head to the dreaded meeting. I find a seat next to two really pretty ladies....overweight of course. =) We had a little small talk and then the guest speaker (a plastic surgeon) started talking. The topic of the meeting was cosmetic surgery after one reaches their goal weight. The before and after pictures were amazing. The Dr seemed pretty knowledgeable, but kind of annoyed me a bit. After he was done, our Bariatric nurse did a little talking, (I really like her). The meeting turned about US, and where we were at in our journey. People stood and announced their success. One of the ladies started about my size and less than two years later her body ROCKED! She is my new hero. I want to be her in 2012, that could be me in 2 years. Now I had a visual of what to look foward to. I was psyched and ready. The surgeons were also there, said a little speech and then took questions from anyone who had one. They seemed genuine and loved helping people like me. I felt very comfortable knowing my health was in their hands! So lesson learned tonight....don't assume the worst. I LOVED LOVED LOVED the meeting and cant wait till May so I can go the next one. Why do they only have them once a month. I want to go again sooner. LOL I crack me up.
So onto the rest of the test I have to get done. Luckily I had a pap a few weeks prior to all of this. It would just be the icing on the cake if I had to go through that while dealing with all of the other stuff. So whats left now???? Fasting labs, upper GI, Psych eval, and thats it! Christine said if I can get it all done by the 16th of April, she could probably get my a surgery date by the end of May! I am pumped!

The Start of it all

The first step to it all was to attend a 3 hour meeting to explain all 3 surgeries that Wilford Hall Hospital offers. The 3 choices were the Lap Band, The Sleeve, and the Gastric Bypass. I went in there with mind set of wanting the Band, but after the explanation of all 3 surgeries, I quickly changed my mind. The lap band was the only surgery that was reversible!!! I dont want to go through all of this and have the option to change my mind after surgery. I want a forever change!!! Besides the maintenance of the band was just too much for me. Too many plateaus, and really slow weight loss. I want this fat off of me as quickly as possible. Not to make light of a gastric bypass surgery, because there is nothing about this that is going to be easy. I do understand the risk, the disadvantages, etc. I sat in there listening to these woman gripe because they were told they wouldn't be able to have sugar anymore, very little carbs, and no caffeine. They were seriously pissed at the thought of giving it all up. I couldn't believe it. They were making such a big deal of giving up the CRAP that put them in that room in the first place. All I could think about is, GOOD RIDDANCE FOREVER! I realize I may have a craving for it from time to time. But luckily they explained the "dumping" syndrome, and dont think I will ever give into that temptation once I have the surgery. Acutally the bariatric nurse told us she wants us to all go thru it ONE time, and that would be enough for us to never be tempted again....I just laughed. It was good enough just hearing about what it does to know I am not putting myself through that crap!
It was a little scary hearing all the risk, the changes, the stories. WOW, it was a lot more to think about than I could have EVER imagined. So, I have decided to go with the "gold standard"....the bypass. Yes I know it sounds more drastic, but it is the right decision for me. I needed a COMPLETE change.
Next step is another 4 hour group meeting to go into complete detail of the specific surgery I chose. So two weeks later from the first meeting I sit right back into the same chair surrounded by approximately 25 others having the same surgery. They (the staff) basically just went into more complete detail about the gastric bypass. We were given papers after papers of information on all the gory details of what my life was about to become....haha.
It is going to be a lot more work getting ready for the surgery than I thought. One of the first pieces of paper we were given was a sheet of all the testing we have to have done before we can even be given a surgery date. LORDY LORDY LORDY, thats about all I could say. Nothing good ever comes easy though. Here are some of the things I am referring to: Lab work, upper GI, weight loss meetings, sleep study, PAP, PSYCH evaluation (crap, they are going to fugure out I am crazy!). Its a lot of work, but I am really glad they are making sure we are healthy enough for surgery. Yes I just want to get it over with, but I am going to feel a lot more confident as I am being wheeled into that operating room. I am determined to get it all done within a month. I am ready for this. My goal....TO LOOK BETTER AT 40 THAN I DID AT 30!!! Bring on middle age, lol!!!!!!!!!!!!

My decision

It was 1999, and I was fast approaching 30. I guess that is about the time I started struggling with my weight. I wasn't really considered overweight, but it was the first time I realized I wasn't as small as I used to be. Does that make sense? I had just spent two years working the 11pm to 7am shift at the local hospital in small town Arizona. I guess two years of sitting behind the nurses station all night, sleeping all day, then taking care of my family in the evenings; well it caught up with me....in pounds! WOW. In just two years I had gained 40 pounds. I still wasn't considered "obeses", but I wasn't real thrilled with my weight. But unfortunately I didn't take the right steps to control my weight then, and that 40 pounds just escalated to 40-50 more over the next several years. If only I had done something back then to shed the few pounds and then learned to maintain. Since 1999, I not only have gained weight, but I gave birth to our 4th child, which well lets say, that was the end of me...well until now.
Here I sit at 5'7" and I weigh 237 pounds. How the heck did I let this happen. I don't eat THAT bad, and I am not a couch potato. So why am I fat??? UGH! Since about 2005 I tried different diets. Um lets see if I can recall some of them; Atkins, Jenny Craig (stopped because it was too expensive), Weight Watchers, Cabbage Diet, The heart diet, and so on. You get the picture. DIETS really WON'T work. Yes they can get you to lose weight, but the minute you stop them, the weight will come back on and usually more than you started with. It is frustrating, and depressing. The highs and lows I have endured over the past 5 years have led me to this point. Only at one point did I actually lose weight and start feeling better. It was January 2008 and I had started the New Years off right. I had got my weight down to 179 pounds and I was feeling good. The only thing that could make me feel 100% better, was to stop smoking. Yep, you know where this is headed. I emotionally could not handle the stress of it all. I loved the feeling of being a non-smoker, so I focused more on that and less my body. Don't get me wrong, I was still working out, but my eating habits got worse. Just when I was about to balance it all, I got hurt. I BROKE MY TAILBONE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? Really? Just when I got it all in balance, a major set back. So no exercise for me. I started stressing a little, after all it had only been a few weeks without smoking, and so many of my friends around me still smoked. I missed the awwwweee feeling of it, but I was determined not to give into the urge. I can do this....and I DID. I am a non-smoker now. WOOOHOOO for me! Well, almost anyway. Can't completely give myself a pat on the back. I made it thru the engery, I quit smoking, but by 6 months later I had gained all of my weight back. I am so sad. So I started thinking, maybe I should just accept my weight and be happy. I can look good as a bigger woman. After all there are some really famous, beautiful plus size women in this world. I can be one of them. So I am back at my original 2008 weight. Screw it, I am done obsessing about it. I will dress nice, wear my hair and make up. I can look good. Who was I kidding. It didn't matter how good I made myself on the outside, I felt like total CRAP on the inside. My marriage was sucking, not to mention my sex life. GOD FORBID I let him see me naked now! I didn't want to go "out". I always felt like the fat friend. UGH, make this go away.
Its June 2009 and we are moving...again. I am a Navy wife, so moving every 2 to 3 years has always been my life. I was determined once we got moved and settled it was going to be a new life for me. I was moving back to Texas (where we wanted to be), so I wanted a fresh start. I was going to get settled in our new home, get the kids started in school, and I was going to get busy with my weight loss again. But surprise surprise, a road block. I ended up the in the ER. Thought I was having a heart attack. The admitted me to the cardiac unit. I was so scared. Was my heart in trouble because of my weight??? Thats what I was thinking. But then I kept saying, "I am not one of those huge women". I always had an answer to justify my weight. ANYWAY, after a couple of days in the hospital and TONS of testing, I was diagnosed with "Graves disease". Just another bump in the road. I was not able to even walk upstairs because my heart rate would just go crazy. I was on medicine to slow down my heart rate, but it was a very lengthy road to recovery. I was basically given the order to be lazy. It was inevitable that I was going to gain even more weight now. After all, I wasn't really allowed to be active, I was taking medicine to slow my heart rate (which = slower metabloism). Great, just what I needed. So I decided to go back on weight watchers just to help keep me from gaining too much more weight. I did okay I guess considering the circumstances. I gained about 17 or 18 more pounds. It took about 4 months for the treatment (Iodine Radiation) to destroy my thyroid, but it worked, and now I am on medication (Synthroid) for the rest of my life. Yea me!! So that brings me to current day. After talking with Dr Koteles, he put in a referral for me to see the Bariatric Clinic here on base. Had I gotten to the point that I was considered OBESE??? Oh yes I was. OH MY GOD!!! It has happened. I AM the fat women. I am so saddened with myself. But you know what I decided. God, and Dr Koteles of course, have given me this chance to regain my life. I was going to take it with every ounce of my being, and I am going to take control. I have to! On a positive note, I don't have high cholesterol or diabetes. That goes to show I actually eat pretty healthy. So read on for my journey of the step by step process of my Bariatric experience.