The morning before.

Its Wednesday morning, one day before my surgery. I just felt compelled to write this morning. I woke up at 1:30, to pee of course, and when I layed back down my mind started racing. I am not sure if I have ever been so worried before. I am at the point of considering calling it off. I am not sure if I should willingly put myself in danger. I guess I am literally freaking out. I think I had a bit of a panic attack last night. I layed there thinking about stuff and I got sweaty and my heart was pounding so hard with a huge lump in my throat. The last time I looked at the clock it was 4:30. I seriously don't know what to do right now. Should I just suck up the daily pain and learn to deal with it???? I am really thinking I might. I am going to call my doctor this morning and discuss some things with him. Maybe some options, my fears, and hopefully get some reassurance from him. With all the surgeries I have had in the past, I don't know why I am freaking out this time. My mom said its because I am older and I think about the things that you don't when you are younger. I don't know if that is it, but I what I do know is I am really scared. Maybe I will write more if Dr Fenton can put my mind to ease somewhat.